Lost: Sammi

Okay…I’ve been trying to push through, to find my way. But I’m lost. After being a homeschool mom for over 10 years, I have been abandoned for public school. It was not my choice. I didn’t even get a vote. There are MANY reasons why I homeschooled, and those reasons have not changed. However, Boy Wonder decided that he wanted to give public school a try, and he was way too smart to come to me with his request. No, he went straight to Man. I have many problems with the entire scenario; however, that is not why I’m here today.

I have known all summer that Boy Wonder (BW) was going to be going to “real” school. I have tried and tried to prepare myself for the adjustment. I tried to convince myself of all the pluses: more time to sew, no school paperwork, no one here to make messes all day (other than myself!), time to read what I WANTED to read (instead of trying to stay one step ahead of BW in his homeschool reading), and on and on. Well…BW headed to school on September 6th and I was slapped with reality. My reality. The reality that I am lost! The worst part? I do not even understand why I feel that way. I mean I do….but I don’t. With the exception of not having to come up with lesson plans, grade school work and occasionally assist with school work (I still assist with school work…just not during the day), my days are much as they were. I mean, BW is nearly 16….I haven’t exactly had to sit with him and actively teach him in quite a while. He read his assignments and worked on them alone unless he ran into something that he didn’t understand AND could not figure out on his own.

I am still Man’s wife. I am still BW’s mom (and S’s mom…but she hasn’t lived with us for over 3 years and is now married…and lives far, far away…so not a part of this story….just didn’t want her to think that I had forgotten that I’m her mom also…just in case she reads this…love ya SJ). Where was I? Oh yes. Basically, while homeschooling was a part of my life for a long time, it wasn’t ALL of who I am. I am still a wife and mom, friend and neighbor….child of God. I still like to cook, clean (yes, I know…weird….but don’t worry, because I am an unorganized person that likes to clean…so my house still has REALLY BAD moments), bake, write, read, sew, crochet, and on and on and on.

Perhaps it is just the fact that I don’t like change. Maybe it is that I feel like I’m missing something….like I should be doing something and I’m not quite sure what that something is. I am trying to take it one day at a time…one moment at a time. But my soul is restless. Which, I believe, is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world!!!

Yes, I am heading into a new season. Things are changing. I feel utterly and completely lost. But I know….yes, I KNOW, that as long as I allow Him, that God is leading the way. And He is not lost. So I try to quiet my soul, for it is safe in His hands.

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

Jeremiah 29:11 (Amp)

Of course, sometimes a girl just has to DO something when she feels like everything else is out of her control. So yesterday, I had my half-way down my back hair chopped off…to a chin-length bob. Check out my new profile photo…what do ya think? I think the hairstylist thought I was a bit loony! And maybe she was right…..

Until next time….

Blessings,

Sammi

Remembering

On a beautiful morning in North Carolina, I sat on my sofa crocheting dish cloths for Christmas gifts. A national news program was on the television. The raw news of a plane crash into one of the World Trade Towers was the topic. There was confusion about what had happened. Then I watched in complete shock—and horror—as the second plane hit as the news cameras rolled. For a brief moment, my mind searched for ANY reason why two planes could accidentally hit the towers. There was none. News of the Pentagon came in. There could be no doubt. The U.S. was under attack. Sometime during the morning we hear that a plane is missing. Soon we would be learning about the heroes of Flight 93.

 

 

 

Yes, the United States of America was forever changed. Today we remember...the ones lost…the ones left behind…and the loss of a generation’s innocence.

**Please click on the photos to go to their sources.

 

Sammi

Buyer’s Remorse

 

See that machine beside the books? I started regretting buying a Cricut Expression not very long after it arrived in my home. Why? The expense in using it. I purchased it with the intention of ordering some 3rd party software to bypass the expense of the cartridges. Then I put off buying the software until my budget was a little better prepared to handle it. Then Provo Craft (the maker of the Cricut) sued the 3rd party software developer and it is no longer available. Which would be okay, IF Provo would develop their own software that did not require the use of their cartridges at a cost of $25-$90 EACH.

I should have done more research! If I had, I would have discovered the Silhouette. Which has MANY more capabilities than the Cricut!!!! Lesson learned. So now I’m saving up for the new Silhouette Cameo that is being released in October….and no, I will not be able to purchase it then. I’m afraid that the $299 price tag is more than my husband is going to let me spend at the moment (other things are a little higher on the priority list). The terrible irony is the fact that I paid nearly that much for the Cricut that has basically sat around collecting dust. Truly….I’ve only used it for a few test runs. I didn’t make ANY real projects with it, unless you count a few poster board/glass glitter ornaments that you can see here or here.  It hasn’t been powered up in months. Did I mention that this was an expensive lesson? one I’m posting about in the hopes of preventing others from making. With that said….anyone want a slightly used Cricut Expression at a heavy discount? Maybe someone that already has a lot of cartridges and just wants to upgrade from the smaller cricut? Anyone? And just know…the software CAN be found on e-bay; but at the current bids, I can buy the Silhouette and lots of extras!

Until next time….

Sammi

Changes

Spring comes late and Autumn comes early here in Upstate New York. Being from North Carolina—where Spring comes early and Autumn comes late—it is very hard for me to get used to leaves starting to turn in late August.

 

Yesterday, I turned 41 celebrated acknowledged the 12th anniversary of my 29th birthday. For as long as I can remember, August (birthday month) has been a time of reflection for me--What have I accomplished in the last year? what goals did I fail to reach? what can I do better in the year to come?—but, since moving to NY in 2008, add to that a deep dread of the coming change of the season…a longing to go back home…just a deep sadness. See, I’m a creature of habit. I do NOT like change….well, not drastic change. And believe me…after never living more than 3 miles from where I grew up, moving to NY was devastating.

Wow…this post has taken a depressing tone; which was not my intention. I highlighted the last paragraph to delete it, but decided that it is time to get REAL!

Anyway…all that to say: As September begins, it is time for some changes. Despite three years of hoping that my husband would decide that this “experiment” of living in NY is a failure, being in NY is my new reality. I have to be a grown-up (which sucks, BTW), and face it. Time to give up my one-woman pity party (albeit grudgingly) and move forward.

As I’ve stated before, we rent. Although Man likes (really likes, most of the time) living here, he doesn’t want to retire here. So we decided not to actively look for a home to purchase. Other than a very short period at the beginning of our marriage, we owned our own home in NC. Renting is an irksome state-of-being for someone known for knocking down walls, pulling up carpet, painting (walls and furniture), re-arranging furniture, etc. whenever the mood hit her. I have had/am having a TERRIBLE time trying to reflect ME in this house.

But in the spirit of moving forward, I’ve decided to take a deep breath and try again!

Here are some photos of my recent studio re-do (still not what I want, but getting closer…baby steps):

 

For BEFORE (and before BEFORE) photos go here.

Like I said…still not what I want, but at least I can find most of my stuff, and I have some room to work! I personally would like to go on a shopping spree for shelves and other organizational furniture, but Man has vetoed “big” shopping. While some of that is budget concerns (the economy stinks, ya know), his main concern is having to move it….eventually. He so dreads a future move (the actual getting stuff from point A to point B) that yesterday he told me to order myself an e-reader so that 1) he doesn’t have to build anymore book shelves and 2)he doesn’t have to “move those book shelves and even MORE books.” Moving twice (actually 3 times for him, twice for me and son—he came to NY alone to start his job; 5 MONTHS later he finally found a house for all of us; then a year later, we moved again) in 1 1/2 years, has left him with moving anxiety.  

BTW, anyone have an e-reader suggestion????

Until next time….

Blessings,